I've been in the most insane mindset lately. I'm simultaneously overwhelmed and bored and ecstatic and depressed and calm and angry and a million subtler other things.
I might be going insane?
Here: words.
Oh Heart of strange things
of diagonal stretches and
plucked harmonious heartstrings
Heart of simultaneous shriveling
and expanding,
of aching and fluttering
Heart dripping in curry and spices
contaminated by Indian breath
saturated by Indian air
restless Heart of Hindustan--
barely contained in my chest,
Heart of silk and sarees;
Heart of rolling tongues
and sunkissed skin
and winding roads.
my Heart---
my Indian Heart---
Om.
Namaste.
and here: picture.
are you satisfied? Do you need more proof of my insanity?
Of my endless swirling thoughts on everything and anything?
Jumbled together in a maddeningly tangled web of inextricable streams of ideas,
from how ice cream is made with buffalo milk here
to how deeply self conscious I feel whilst being stared at
to "hmm, I wonder where I can get a golden flower nose ring, like that beautiful old Indian woman with black eyes black hair bright smile wears so delicately"
to climbing mango trees for Amma to pluck little green mangoes from precariously flexible branches
to moshing at Indian metal shows (not kidding, it happened)
to the crunch crunch crunch of my feet on the crumbling pavement on my daily morning walk to the gate of Doyens Township, waiting for the guard to nod his head in a polite "Namaste" which I think he only started doing because I did it first, but nonetheless it makes me feel better---
all the time think think think what? who? where? self? not self? philosophy? purpose? you? her? he? them? world? people? billions! me? why? here? HERE! now! when? NOW! Today!!
see? I seriously am going crazy.
Eh.
You know what.
9,000 miles from home, from anything familiar,
surrounded by different languages, cultures, people, food, clothing, thought processes, songs, religions, social norms, expectations, even insects---
I don't mind.
I think I'm allowed to go a little crazy.
I might be going insane?
Here: words.
Oh Heart of strange things
of diagonal stretches and
plucked harmonious heartstrings
Heart of simultaneous shriveling
and expanding,
of aching and fluttering
Heart dripping in curry and spices
contaminated by Indian breath
saturated by Indian air
restless Heart of Hindustan--
barely contained in my chest,
Heart of silk and sarees;
Heart of rolling tongues
and sunkissed skin
and winding roads.
my Heart---
my Indian Heart---
Om.
Namaste.
and here: picture.
are you satisfied? Do you need more proof of my insanity?
Of my endless swirling thoughts on everything and anything?
Jumbled together in a maddeningly tangled web of inextricable streams of ideas,
from how ice cream is made with buffalo milk here
to how deeply self conscious I feel whilst being stared at
to "hmm, I wonder where I can get a golden flower nose ring, like that beautiful old Indian woman with black eyes black hair bright smile wears so delicately"
to climbing mango trees for Amma to pluck little green mangoes from precariously flexible branches
to moshing at Indian metal shows (not kidding, it happened)
to the crunch crunch crunch of my feet on the crumbling pavement on my daily morning walk to the gate of Doyens Township, waiting for the guard to nod his head in a polite "Namaste" which I think he only started doing because I did it first, but nonetheless it makes me feel better---
all the time think think think what? who? where? self? not self? philosophy? purpose? you? her? he? them? world? people? billions! me? why? here? HERE! now! when? NOW! Today!!
see? I seriously am going crazy.
Eh.
You know what.
9,000 miles from home, from anything familiar,
surrounded by different languages, cultures, people, food, clothing, thought processes, songs, religions, social norms, expectations, even insects---
I don't mind.
I think I'm allowed to go a little crazy.
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